Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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