Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
