lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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