my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
