I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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