I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize