I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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