You just made me feel so damn special
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
