I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
