there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
