Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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