i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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