Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
