I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
