remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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