They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
