There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
