So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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