Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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