how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
