it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
