Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
