Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
