dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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