if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
