First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
