3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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