Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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