There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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