He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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