honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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