She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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