Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
