thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
