Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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