I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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