Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
