This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit