I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
