i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
