If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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