Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
