It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
