kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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