thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
