So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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