You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
