He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
