We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
