What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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