someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize