tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
