but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
