after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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