I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
