I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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