She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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