508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
