Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
