If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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