This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
